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Oh, I almost forgot.

abnormaltaco:

I made a thing today.

I made my own Batman Training Program binder. Inside I’ll put all of the exercises, weight and body measurements, charts, tables, graphs, crime fighting techniques and quiche recipes that I’m going to use in here. May even put in the designs for the batsuit here too.

Yeah, I’m a huge fucking nerd.

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muffintop-less:

Everyone knows that lifting makes women big, bulky, and less desirable. But, do they know the reasons why? I compiled my top ten reasons as to why women should NEVER EVER even think about touching a weight. Ever. 1. You will find less and less that you are asked to go to the kitchen and make a sandwich. What will you do with all that free time?!? 2. Men on the Internet will tell you that you are too big. Can you handle no longer being the object of a stranger’s fantasy?3. Pants won’t fit because your butt has gotten so big. Imagine actually filling out a pair of pants, the horror!! 4. Your children might see that a woman can be something more than a frail object meant to please a man. Challenging the status quo is never a good thing.5. You can eat a much larger amount of delicious food and not gain a pound. Disgusting! Pass the tofu and skim milk please.6. Men will avoid you at the gym when you lift more than they do. How are you supposed to know how to lift without their constant coaching?7. You will be able to open a pickle jar without a man or a knife. No one should possess that much raw power.8. Your bones will maintain a thick density throughout your life. Do you really want to rob a surgeon of your money for osteoporosis treatment?9. Heavy lifting can be as diverse as you want to make it. Your time would be much better spent on a treadmill every day watching CNN.10. You will be shunned from old friends that want you to go clubbing every night. Those are the kinds of friends you just don’t want to lose. By: Brandon Morrison @liftbigeatbig This amazing compilation was just too sarcastically awesome not to post ———————————————-Photo by: @neveuxstudios

muffintop-less:

Everyone knows that lifting makes women big, bulky, and less desirable. But, do they know the reasons why? I compiled my top ten reasons as to why women should NEVER EVER even think about touching a weight. Ever. 

1. You will find less and less that you are asked to go to the kitchen and make a sandwich. What will you do with all that free time?!? 

2. Men on the Internet will tell you that you are too big. Can you handle no longer being the object of a stranger’s fantasy?

3. Pants won’t fit because your butt has gotten so big. Imagine actually filling out a pair of pants, the horror!! 

4. Your children might see that a woman can be something more than a frail object meant to please a man. Challenging the status quo is never a good thing.

5. You can eat a much larger amount of delicious food and not gain a pound. Disgusting! Pass the tofu and skim milk please.

6. Men will avoid you at the gym when you lift more than they do. How are you supposed to know how to lift without their constant coaching?

7. You will be able to open a pickle jar without a man or a knife. No one should possess that much raw power.

8. Your bones will maintain a thick density throughout your life. Do you really want to rob a surgeon of your money for osteoporosis treatment?

9. Heavy lifting can be as diverse as you want to make it. Your time would be much better spent on a treadmill every day watching CNN.

10. You will be shunned from old friends that want you to go clubbing every night. Those are the kinds of friends you just don’t want to lose. 

By: Brandon Morrison @liftbigeatbig 

This amazing compilation was just too sarcastically awesome not to post 
———————————————-
Photo by: @neveuxstudios

(via dont-touchmycurves)

172 notes

Obit of the Day: "Please Don't Email Me, I'm Dead"

obitoftheday:

The obituary Mr. Kevin McGroarty wrote for himself is sheer brilliance:

WEST PITTSTON, Pa.—McGroarty Achieves Room Temperature!

Kevin J. McGroarty, 53, of West Pittston, died Tuesday, July 22, 2014, after battling a long fight with mediocracy.

Born 1960 in the Nesbitt Hospital, he was the bouncing baby boy of the late Lt. Col. Edward M. McGroarty and Helen Jane (Hudson) McGroarty, whom the New York Times should have noted as extraordinary parents.

He was baptized at St. Cecilia Church, Exeter, which later burned to the ground, attended Butler Street Elementary, which was later torn down, and middle school at 6th Street in Wyoming, now an apartment building.

He enjoyed elaborate practical jokes, over-tipping in restaurants, sushi and Marx Brother’s movies. He led a crusade to promote area midget wrestling, and in his youth was noted for his many unsanctioned daredevil stunts.

He was preceded in death by brother, Airborne Ranger Lt. Michael F. McGroarty, and many beloved pets, Chainsaw, an English Mastiff in Spring 2009, Baron, an Irish Setter in August 1982, Peter Max, a turtle, Summer 1968; along with numerous house flies and bees, but they were only acquaintances.

McGroarty leaves behind no children (that he knows of), but if he did their names would be son, “Almighty Thor” McGroarty; and daughter, “Butter Cup Patchouli.”

McGroarty was a veteran of the advertising industry since 1983. McGroarty was a pioneer in Apple computing, purchasing one of the first in the Wyoming Valley in 1985. He would like to remind his friends: “Please, don’t email me, I’m dead.”

McGroarty was a founding partner of Pyramid Advertising, and finally principal owner of award-winning Rhino Media until 2006. He was also an adjunct instructor at Luzerne County Community College, from 2005-2009.

He will be laid to rest at Mount Olivet Cemetery, section 7N. He asks to please make note of his new address. McGroarty’s headstone reads: “I’ll Be Right Back,” one of his favorite sayings. He leaves this world with few regrets, one being told in grade school, his adult life would see the Hershey candy bar rise in cost to over a dollar. He maintained given the resources and initiative, he would rally the good citizens of the Commonwealth to a revolution that would force that price to its original 35-cent market value, a dream he was not able to fulfill, by his own admission the reason: “I was distracted by many beautiful women.”

In lieu of flowers, friends are asked to please give generously to the Pennsylvania State Police Troop “P” Camp Cadet Fund.

A Mass of Christian Burial will be held at 10 a.m. Monday in St. Cecilia Church of St. Barbara Parish, 1700 Wyoming Ave., Exeter, following a brief rant of how the government screwed up all of the Bugs Bunny cartoons trying to censor violence. This will be presented by his attorney, Bret Zankel, Esq. Friends may call from 9 to 10 a.m. Monday in the church.

McGroarty leaves behind a thought for all to ponder, given years of gathering wisdom from different religions and deep study of the Greek philosophers: “It costs nothing to be nice” and “Never stick a steak knife in an electrical outlet.”

Arrangements by the Metcalfe-Shaver-Kopcza Funeral Home Inc., 504 Wyoming Ave., Wyoming.

Sources: AdWeek.com and Timesleader.com

Also of relevant on Obit of the Day:

Actor James Rebhorn’s wonderful self-written obituary from March 2014

Best Obituary Ever

Second Best Obituary Ever